Last night's Life on the D-list with Kathy Griffin inspired me to make a bucket list, a list of things you want to do before you die. Kathy makes her mother create a bucket list. Kathy's mom says she wants to meet Don Rickles and visit "the wine section of California."
In response, herein lies my bucket list:
1. Pee in one of those Japanese toilets that makes noises while you tinkle so that the person next to you can't hear.
2. Purchase a mixed drink from a vending machine. (Pictured here.)
3. Appear on a game show. Jeopardy would be tops, but I would settle for Wipeout.
4. Ride in a sequeway to work.
5. Spend the night in the penthouse suite of some swanky hotel. I intend to wear the terrycloth robe, take a bubble bath in the huge bathtub with a glass of champagne, and so many bubbles that you can only see my head and my toes. I want a mint on the pillow, I want to order room service. It would also be great if it had a balcony with double doors that opened so that I could do this.
6. Run with a pack of miniature ponies.
7. Play flight of the bumblebees on the xylophone.
8. Sit on Javier Bardem's lap and tell him what I want for Christmas. Whether or not he's dressed up like Santa is optional.
9. Toss an ice cube into a volcano.
10. Receive a love letter by carrier pigeon.
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